Bigger boobs ahoy! Here’s Total Curve promising to grow your breasts so big you’ll need a suspension bridge bra to keep them under control.*
Total Curve is a two-step system. This a bit difference to other breast enhancement products, so we feel the need for an investigation. Grab a coffee, put your feet up, and read this Pulitzer prize-winning review* of Total Curve ‘Intensive Daily Breast Enhancement Therapy’.
*Some exaggeration may be present.
What is Total Curve?
It’s a two part product which may increase your breast size. It consists of a daily supplement, and a lifting gel. Let’s start by taking a look at the daily supplement.
The supplement is a pill which Total Curve say is an estrogen booster. Estrogen is one of the main female hormones that’s required for menstruation, and the growth of female characteristics or ‘girly bits.’ The theory with Total Curve is that the phytoestrogens boost your estrogen level, and therefore increase the growth of those aforementioned ‘girly bits.’ What’s ‘phytoestrogen’ then, we hear you say? Well, it a natural plant extract that mimics or boosts estrogen. Phyto means ‘plant’ in Ancient Greek. So, phytoestrogens are in fact plant-estrogens.
The daily supplement is taken twice a day. It says to lift and firm your breast tissues, as well as boosting your general female health with herbals, nutrients, antioxidants and hormone balancers.
The second half?
It’s a topical gel that includes previously unheard of ingredient ‘Volufiline’. On their official website Total Curve writes this is ‘clinically proven to increase breast size by up to 8.4% in less than 60 days’.
Volufiline is a compound of sarsasapogenin. Not heard of it again? Us neither. Turns out it’s a steroidal sapogenin that is the aglycosidic portion of a plant saponin, or put another way it’s a plant extract that grows fat cells, so try not to drop any on your stomach when applying.
You need to apply a thin layer to your breasts twice a day, and rub it in until the gel has absorbed. Applying it twice a day might get tedious, so we recommend you get someone else to do it. Best not tell them it’s a breast growth cream, or they might worry they’ll get two massive hands (or a massive something else, in which case he might be up for it).
What Do Total Curve Claim?
Total Curve claim their product is a ‘complete breast enhancement therapy program that works both internally and externally to help tone and reshape your breasts for a more youthful appearance.’ They also suggest that the phytoestrogens reduce symptoms of PMS, menopause, vaginal dryness and a diminished sex drive.
How Does Total Curve Work?
For their promised overall breast health and growth, you’ve got to keep using it indefinitely. Total Curve claim you’ll only get maximum results for as long as you continue to use it. To experience full effects, they recommend using the system for 28 days before expecting to see an effect. After 56 days, there should be a noticeable difference. If not, you can send it back for a full refund.
In a nutshell, the daily supplement boosts your estrogen levels, and the gel utilises Volufiline to grow fatty tissues. It’s a two pronged approach to breast growth. Their scientific proof makes interesting reading, but Total Curve point out that results will differ for the individual, so do bear that in mind.
What’s In Total Curve?
There are lots of ingredients, so we’ll pick out a few. First off, the supplement:
Buckwheat leaves and flowers – Buckwheat is not just a rice replacement for the allergic, it’s said to hold medical properties, such as reducing heart disease problems, protecting against diabetes and gallstones. Recently it’s been suggested that buckwheat improves collagen – the skin’s elastic, which may help firm the breasts.
Fennel Seeds – said to support estrogen, fennel seeds have that phytoestrogen we were talking about. It’s been used to support female menstrual issues for donkey’s years.
Dong Quai Root – may promote progesterone, which is linked to breast development. Its other uses include improvement of blood circulation, anaemia and blood pressure.
And the Gel?
The gel contains Volufiline of course, which they claim stimulates the fatty tissues in your breasts. Other ingredients are:
Aloe Vera – Sunburn saviour and all round moisturiser, you’ll find Aloe Vera in a lot of skin products.
Algae Extracts – Ewww. Stinky seaweed. Not really, seaweed is good for you. It may have anti-irritant properties, and is rich in minerals that help lock in moisture.
Caffeine – Caffeine is said to kill off free-radicals (not the band) that destroy collagen, and cause nasty changes in our body structures. Don’t just throw coffee on your breasts though, it probably won’t have the same effect, and you may be suspended from work.
Is It Safe?
Hold on. Before you read any further we need to clear something up. Our application to medical school was turned down because we doodled some boobs in the ‘other interests’ box. We don’t have any medical advice to give. If you need some help, email the official site, or go and chat with your own GP.
Total Curve contains natural ingredients, and they claim you can use it ‘without any side effects, health risks, or damage to the surrounding structure of your breasts!’ That said, pregnant or breast-feeding women shouldn’t use it, as any variety of herbal supplement can be harmful to babies under construction.
So, that’s Total Curve in a nutshell. We’ve learned a lot of new words, such as Volufiline, sarsa–something and phytoestrogen. We bet you can feel your brain expanding with that new knowledge. If your breasts need expanding too, then Total Curve may be the choice for you, especially if you are a ‘belts and braces’ kind of person with an emergency evacuation plan. Their two step system may make you feel a little more secure.