How to Last Longer in Bed

I used to suffer from premature ejaculation, and after a long period of pain, research and passionate experimentation I developed a powerful system to help myself as well as every men in the world who want to stop their humiliation and take control of their sex lives.

In the animal world, sex is purely for reproductive purposes.

Most animals have intercourse that only lasts a few seconds. Our ancestors the chimpanzees – that share more than 98% of our DNA – have 3 seconds intercourse! All right, so maybe some porn-star chimps make it to 5 seconds, but it’s still pretty quick. Isn’t it?

Perhaps the reason why many men can’t have sex for more than a few moments is in some way linked to this. You know, it’s a natural thing. Nature wants you to survive and thrive, it wants your species to procreate and evolve – basically, it wants you to f**k .

Disclaimer: All the content in this article comes from my own personal experience and research. Here’s what worked for me. I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice. 

Premature Ejaculation in Prehistoric Times

how to last longer in bed

But in prehistoric times the environment was full of dangers; a lion could have ambushed you at anytime, or you could have noticed that your prehistoric girlfriend was really hairy…

There were wild animals and no Brazilian wax, things were complicated and you needed to be quick if you wanted your genes to be transmitted to the next generation.

Our environment has changed since then, there aren’t lions around (unless you decide to get down and dirty at the zoo) and we now enjoy sex in the comfort of our own homes, but our bodies are still the same as those of the prehistoric men and women.

So, have homo-sapiens stopped evolving then?

No. They haven’t.

Comparing our bodies to the people that lived thousands of years ago, you might not notice many physical differences, but there is an evolution process going on, even if an invisible and subtle one. This evolution is taking place within our consciousness and mind.

Human beings are awakening to the power they have to turn their lives around using their minds, they are becoming conscious of themselves as living species on this planet and some of them are becoming aware of the power that sexual energy has to transform their lives.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.

William James 1842 – 1910

But Deon, how is all of this connected to sex?

The evolution of our consciousness and inner power has given us the choice of having sex purely for pleasure. You can’t choose if you are unconscious because your unawareness makes you blind to the possibility of choice.

Awareness and choice go together like two perfectly toned ass cheeks: no awareness, no choice.

Thousands of years ago we started making love for pleasure, now we wear condoms or take birth control pills and 99% of our sex is just for the fun of it rather than for procreation. Imagine if every time you’ve had sex in your life you had procreated someone… Jeeeez! How many kids would I have by now?

So let’s start with this in mind. Given that you’re not having sex to procreate, you’re having it for pleasure. Sex is not a means of impressing your partner – whether you are a man or a woman. And I know that for a man it’s quite easy to fall into this trap. Sex is about pleasure. That’s it.

Table of Contents

Premature Ejaculation Used to Be Amazing

If you happen to meet Doc from “Back to the Future” you should definitely ask to be taken for a trip to prehistoric times.

As a quick ejaculator, you’d have a few advantages living back then.

1) You would be able to fertilize a woman quickly

2) You could fertilize many women

3) You could fertilize a woman even if a leopard was around the corner

4) You could quickly fertilize a woman at the second attempt if the first hadn’t “gone through”

5) You could quickly fertilize someone else’s woman

Your genes would be safe and you’d be a happy man.

Men used to envy quick ejaculators because they were the ones with the largest amount of offspring, biggest tribe and the most power, and maybe because they used to screw all the women so quickly that no one was ever able to see them doing it!

If instead you’re curious and can’t help yourself but ask super Doc to be taken to the future you’d find your quick ejaculation skills quite out of place.

In a world where kids become a less and less popular option, your quick ejaculation is only useful to clean your prostate.

You’d have the cleanest prostate in the world, but nothing more.

As a consequence of the evolution you’d notice that everyone in the future is naturally able to consciously control their ejaculation.

You’d be out of place, super jealous and unable to learn a skill everyone instinctively masters.

If you meet Doc from “Back to the Future”, just ignore him and look straight ahead, because the best moment for you is not the past or the future, it’s now.

Now we are in a transition phase when men are adapting to their environment and going from being quick ejaculators into being conscious ejaculators.

You were born in the right time.

Now is the moment.

What is Premature Ejaculation Exactly?

how to last longer in bed

Premature ejaculation is a mysterious term immersed in a cloud of confusion and difficult words.

Human beings are known to be masters at making life difficult for themselves, and their mastery really reached its most marvelous peak when they tried to define premature ejaculation.

The term premature ejaculation is definitely an unfortunate one. The word “premature” has timing connotations that make things unclear.

Saying that a man’s ejaculation is “premature” assumes that there’s a standard time for ejaculation, and that his timing is premature.

Before giving you my personal point of view on the matter and an easy way to understand the concept, let’s take a look at what the internet has to say.

According to Wikipedia:

“The most common definition is that premature ejaculation occurs if the ejaculation occurs within two minutes of penetration.”

So someone did introduce a time to define p.e., the term premature does make more sense now.

The book Wikipedia is referring to in order to define premature ejaculation, “Premature Ejaculation and Serotonergic Antidepressants-Induced Delayed Ejaculation“, sets two minutes as the time to beat.

Two Minutes Defines Premature Ejaculation?

“A survey by Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s demonstrated that three quarters of men ejaculate within two minutes of penetration in over half of their sexual encounters.”

So let’s get this straight:

The founder of sexology Alfred Kinsey in his famous book “Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male“, says that two minutes is the average time.

So if that’s the average (normal) time, two minutes is not really that “premature” anymore, given that we defined something being premature as happening before the “normal time”.

I don’t want to know how Alfred did his “survey” but since he was renowned to be polyamorous, I get the feeling he knows “first hand” what he’s talking about.

Wikipedia continues:

“Premature ejaculation can be differentiated between two types: primary, which is present from the time a male begins puberty, and secondary which is acquired later in the man’s life. Premature ejaculation can be further divided between: global p.e., which occurs with all partners and in all contexts and situational p.e. which occurs in certain situation or with specific partners.”

So far so good.

Now is where it becomes really… interesting.

The term IELT (Intravaginal Ejaculation Latency Time) is introduced, together with percentages and other curious numbers.

You might need a degree in aeronautic engineering to understand this, but let’s give it a try anyways.

“Most men experience premature ejaculation at least once in their lives. Because there is great variability in both how long it takes to ejaculate and how long both partners want sex to last, if at all, an accurate prevalence rate is hard to determine – estimates range from as low as 5% to as high as 30% – researchers have begun to form a quantitative definition of premature ejaculation. Current evidence supports an average intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT) of six and a half minutes in 18-30 year olds.”

Correct me if I’m wrong but I think they’re saying that an intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT) – intercourse time in plain speak – of six and a half minutes should be the “normal”, non-premature ejaculation time. Right?

People Writing on Wikipedia are Worse than ChatGPT

The above definition sounds tricky? Don’t worry, it only gets worse:

“If the disorder is defined as an IELT percentile below 2.5, then premature ejaculation could be suggested by an IELT of less than about 2 minutes.”

What? Percentile?

Imagine these guys having sex with a calculator in their hands:

“Oh sorry honey you’re too sexy, you make my percentile go down to 2.34%, I’d love to have a longer percentile, but unfortunately this is what I’ve got…”

But here Wikipedia introduces something interesting:

“Nevertheless, it is possible that men with abnormally low IELTs could be “happy” with their performance and do not report a lack of control. Likewise, those with higher IELTs may consider themselves premature ejaculators, suffer from detrimental side effects normally associated with premature ejaculation, and even benefit from treatment.”

This is very true indeed.

Some men are “happy” to ejaculate in one minute without having any control.

But I’d also point out that these men most probably have no idea that ejaculation can be controlled and transformed into a conscious act.

Ignorance is bliss.

Probably it’s not that they’re happy in the sense that they’re proud or enthusiastic about ejaculating quickly. They’re just ok with it, it’s what they know and it’s normal for them.

If these men discovered the possibility of taking conscious control of their ejaculation I’m sure some of them would want to learn it. In the end it’s not just about the orgasm and our partner, first of all having long intercourse feels great for us!

My Definition of Premature Ejaculation

how to last longer in bed

In my opinion premature ejaculation “occurs” when you do not consciously choose when to ejaculate.

If I were to give a name to the phenomenon, instead of premature ejaculation I would call it: “Unwanted Ejaculation”.

There’s no “premature” and “non-premature” ejaculation, but wanted and unwanted ejaculation.

Let’s make it clearer:

If ejaculation happens when you don’t want it to happen (generally speaking right after penetration or within a few moments from it, or before your partner comes), then it’s unwanted or “premature”.

If you’re having sex and at one point (after one minute or one hour) you say to yourself, ok I’m done I want to ejaculate now, and you consciously take the steps you need to take to come, that’s Wanted/Conscious Ejaculation.

Of course the quality of that “sex time” is much more important than the quantity.

A man could simply learn to stop and withdraw every time he feels close to ejaculation and make his sex endless, but would that be great, fun and enjoyable sex?

Probably not.

And this is where pelvic muscles training combined with awareness of your arousal levels and simple techniques to keep things in control come useful.

By learning a few simple and effective exercises you can make ongoing thrusting easy and natural.

Easy and natural.

It might sound impossible, but it’s actually incredibly simple once you start training.

It’s like with swimming.

Anyone can swim the 800 meters. Maybe by doing 50m today, then stopping and doing another 100m tomorrow, then stopping and going on twitter a bit, then starting again…

The ones who are able to swim 800m in one go are simply more trained than you are.

Thrusting and swimming are similar – maybe thrusting is just a bit more fun.

Ejaculation Starts in Your Head

In your challenge to last longer in bed, you need to realize how important a role your perception plays.

First, your mind is the biggest and most powerful sexual organ you have. While sleeping, sometimes you get horny and even come without any sexy lady stimulating you.

It all happens in your mind.

The dreams you recreate are so vivid and feel so real that your body reacts ejaculating.

If you think this only happens when you sleep, you’re wrong.

While you’re having sex your mind works against you and if you aren’t conscious of what it does you can’t do much, you can’t “fight” it.

After you realize what your mind does to you, you’ll feel determined to take control of it.

Quick challenge: Take a pen and a piece of paper and next time you’re having sex, pay attention to what you’re thinking.

It’s gonna be hard, and I tell you, the harder it looks the more you need this exercise (unless of course, you’re thinking about nothing at all during sex, in which case you don’t need this).

Pay attention to what you’re thinking and write it down when you finish. Write down all the images that flash in your mind, all the voices you hear…

You’ll realize that a lot of crap is going on in your head while having sex. And it’s this crap that makes you come sooner than you would like.

Perception is Your Ally

Write this word around your bedroom to help you remember.

Remember to stay in the moment, feel the sensations in your body and “relax into them”.

The idea of relaxing yourself “into your sensations” might sound strange until you try it. When you feel pleasure and your body is not used to it, it will contract and the contraction will lead you closer and closer to ejaculation.

Your genitals, penis, and pelvic muscles are the ones that contract the most. Your back and shoulders follow.


Go with the pleasure.

When you feel pleasure in a specific area of your body, know that in that specific point you’re also feeling a contraction. Release it! And breathe.

Take your time. Go slowly. Breathe.

There is no hurry.

Let your body relax in the moment and again, take your bloody time.

After you’ll have exposed your body to pleasure for extended periods of time, it will build resistance and your stamina will slowly increase.

Remember: No hurry.

Develop Awareness of Your Body

“Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention.”
Jim Rohn

Feeling the difference between having a full erection and being totally flaccid is easy.

Feeling the difference between the tight sensation at the base of your penis when your Ischiocavernosus muscle increases in tone (causing a hardening of the erection) and the even lighter feeling of subtle relaxation in the same spot before the climax (when the blood is drained out of the penis) is less easy.

The less trained your attention, the less easily you’ll notice small changes.

If your mind is filled with noise and daydreaming, it’ll be harder for you to notice any sensation, even though the subtle incremental increase in arousal becomes quite evident with some mindful practice.

One more reason to pay more attention and think less.

First thing you need to understand is that you can get close to the point of no return or point of ejaculatory inevitability simply by thinking. As I told you previously, some people can actually get so excited and even come without a sexy lady touching them at all.

This is one of the greatest mistakes you can make. You come quickly but think you can afford to start taking control of your ejaculation only when you’re about to have sex.

And then if someone asks you why you come quickly you would say: “Oh, it’s because I feel very excited and as soon as she touches or licks me I feel very close to coming and then… then I try to do everything possible to stop myself… and then I come”.

You feel kind of surprised by the ejaculation, as if it betrays you, or happens without giving you any notice.

But it did not.

Step 1: Listen to your ejaculation

The ejaculation did give you notice, it always does, the problem is that you have no ears to listen.

You must start and take action way before you enter the bedroom. You must take action the moment you feel you’re getting aroused.

Letting the arousal build up in your body and remembering about it only when you’re almost penetrating her is a key strategy to failure.

That’s nonsense. A nonsense a lot of men go through.

I’m sure that if you were like I was, you start getting aroused way before she’s naked with her legs spread in your bed.

Maybe you get aroused in the street when taking her to your door, or when she texts you saying she’s coming to your place tonight.

That’s when you start getting hard and paradoxically, that’s the moment when you need to start to relax.

Yes, way before sex.

Your ejaculation process starts when your erection is initiating, and you want to start taking control of this process when it’s a “little cub” and not when it becomes an overwhelming monster!

Be careful of the word “relax”.

It’s a big, huge word, one of the most useless words in the human dictionary.

You need to know exactly what to relax and how to relax it. Some of the most critical muscles you need to relax are the muscles in your pelvic floor. But how can you relax these tiny muscles if you can’t even feel if your back or buttocks are relaxed?

Start practicing feeling your big muscles first. It takes patience and practice. But if you start relaxing your back or your thighs or your abdomen you’ll be on the right path.

Step 2: Believe you can do it

Your mental approach is even more important at this stage though.

I can give you a lot of practical exercises you can do, and I will, but if you don’t believe in your ability to last longer they’ll hardly work for you.

Yes I am especially talking to you mister pragmatic middle-aged man who lost all hope in life, believe!

This is why I feel disgusted when I read people who are supposed to be experts, saying that it’s impossible learn how to last longer in bed or that premature ejaculation is incurable. Of course, if you believe so and go to the bedroom with this mindset you won’t go very far.

I can tell you to relax the muscles at the base of your penis, or to learn how to stimulate your shaft more than your glans (penis head) but that’s not gonna work if you don’t believe and envision yourself being able to last longer first of all.

See, imagine yourself having sex with confidence and ease and learn to recognize the moment when you start getting aroused.

Do you start getting aroused when the porn movie is playing or when you think: “I’m gonna watch that porn now”?

Whenever that moment is, start recognizing it.

The 5 Pillars Of Ejaculatory Control

I’ve spent a fortune trying to stop premature ejaculation, buying all sort of rubbish, only to discover that natural, exercise based cures are actually the best. They are healthier and yield better results.

In my articles and books I’ve personally renamed premature ejaculation: “unconscious ejaculation”, because it really explains the problem better. When you can’t control the moment you ejaculate, premature ejaculation happens.

The whole purpose of my training is to give you the power of choosing when to come.

The most important things you need to stop premature ejaculation are:

  1. The right mindset
  2. Control what “controls” ejaculation
  3. Arousal conditioning
  4. Arousal control
  5. Pelvic floor balance

1) Stop being a pussy

To win this game like every other game in life, you need the right mindset.

Bring yourself down, doubt your skills, cry about your mistakes, complain without taking action and you are on a certain road to failure.

Believe in yourself, picture and dream about your success and you are on your way to success.

2) Control your mind, control your dick

I’ve successfully taken total control of my ejaculatory response and taught tons of men around the world to last longer. Sometimes I wish there was a way for me to show you this (maybe uploading pictures of satisfied girls that say: “Oh yes, Deon! Oh, that man!”) but this is a bit tricky to do when you care about privacy as much as I do.

From a mental point of view, you need to learn how to direct your mind where you want it to be.

Today I was reading a very interesting article that said:

The only thing in your life you have total, absolute control over is your mind.

In the beginning, I thought: “Hey this guy is wrong, I have also control over my body” but then I realized that the author was right.

While we do have control over our bodies, we have much more control over our minds, or at least we have the potential to. And when you control your mind, controlling your body becomes a cinch. Actually, at that point, everything in life becomes easy.

You have the potential to totally absolutely control your mind and make it do whatever you want, but unfortunately, most men with premature ejaculation haven’t developed that skill yet and are victims of their minds.

Do you remember before when I said that ejaculation is triggered when you reach your current arousal “limit” (or ejaculatory threshold)?

You can reach your ejaculatory threshold “thanks to”:

  1. Physical stimulation
  2. Mental stimulation

Mental stimulation often is the primary cause of premature ejaculation in most men.

The girl is not even there and they are already thinking about it too much, their mind is already fantasizing about how they are going to thrust her doggy style, how moist her pussy is gonna feel on their cock, and how it’s gonna be to suck her nipples and slap her ass.

Now while there’s nothing “bad” in fantasizing per se, it becomes a problem if you have a weak awareness of your arousal. If you can’t feel how your arousal is growing “behind your sight” you’ll then end up close to your ejaculatory threshold just before having sex.

This “homemade background porn” is what makes you cum in your pants as soon as she touches you.

To me it felt like I was just unlucky or sick, I couldn’t make up my mind why I would come so quickly… I mean, I haven’t even penetrated her… How’s that possible?

Well, this is possible because even though no physical stimulation has started yet, your mind has been having sex all afternoon. And mental stimulation is just as powerful (maybe even more) than physical stimulation.

To control (premature) ejaculation your first step is to learn how to control or direct your mind.

2) Arousal conditioning

Arousal conditioning is the action of building up high levels of arousal in your body and staying with it for extended periods of time.

Why is arousal conditioning important to stop premature ejaculation?

Because most guys who have this problem are simply inexperienced. There’s nothing wrong with them, they are not “sick”, but they just need experience, their body is new to the touch of a woman or new to the sensation of penetrating her.

Their body literally can’t handle their arousal, so they come.

It’s always the same story:

How do you give a young guy the stamina of an experienced man?

Arousal conditioning is the answer.


Your body has a certain ejaculatory threshold. That means that your body can only handle a specific level of arousal before ejaculation is triggered by your spinal cord.

You have a limit.

Arousal conditioning raises this limit, and edging is one way to raise it.

But arousal conditioning isn’t enough to stop premature ejaculation.


Because you can’t raise your threshold forever. Actually if you did you would never ejaculate, which is not cool. You want to ejaculate, as I always say to my students, ejaculation is great, the only thing is that you want to choose “when” to ejaculate.

3) Arousal control

Now the topic of arousal control is a bit intricate and it’s got multiple facets but briefly, arousal control helps you stop premature ejaculation by making your will power stronger than your urge, by making you aware of your individual arousal patterns and how it evolves from erection to ejaculation and by recognizing the physical tactics that allow you to raise your arousal level and bring it down at will.

Raise your arousal level? Why should I want to raise my arousal??

Yes, when you get total control over ejaculation and become able to last as long as you like, a moment arrives during sex when you will want to come.

Your girlfriend has had a bunch of orgasms, she’s ravaged with pleasure and you feel like it’s time for you to blow your load.

In that moment you need to use those physical tricks in order to come at will.

This is why in my program I don’t simply teach men “how not to come” but also “how to come” at will because they’ll need that skill very soon.

So we said that to stop premature ejaculation you simply want to train your body to handle high levels of arousal, you want to discover your arousal patterns and your “physical buttons” to play with your arousal at will.

Of course all this must be baked up in an attitude of determination. Without willingness to defeat this problem you get nowhere.

4) Pelvic floor balance

Yes. You don’t need to do Kegel after Kegel after Kegel after Kegel so that your pelvic floor becomes so hard that if someone shoots you, you can just use your balls as a shield.

Nobody needs a bullet-proof pelvic floor, my friend.

Because guess what’s gonna happen when you take one decent exercise and push it to the extreme?

You guessed it right (I hope)… It will not work anymore.

You want a pelvic floor balance, there are a few exercises for that in my program, not only Kegels, but also some Reverse Kegels. Not only squeezing your PC muscles, but also training to relax them.

How to do reverse Kegels

Do this initially while masturbating and then try it out during sex. The procedure is the same in both cases.

  1. Start masturbating by trying to keep your stomach and legs relaxed as much as possible.
  2. Now increase the pace until you feel the excitement rise. At this point, you will have to try to keep the muscles of the penis relaxed.
  3. When you feel you are in full control, increase the pace, the excitement and do the same movement again as before.
  4. Gradually increase the pace until you reach a greater level of excitement than before, but without letting it get the upper hand.
  5. Continue this exercise for at least 20 minutes until you feel you are in full control of the situation. You can repeat this exercise 2-3 times a week until you find that you are able to perfectly relax your muscles and control ejaculation as you please.

More on this later, for now let’s start with some motivation.

How Bad Do You Want to Last Longer in Bed?

Your mind plays a big role to help you stop premature ejaculation, from many points of view. First of all, you need clarity of goals and then you need to sharpen your perception.

Let me explain…

You need to be brave to embrace the possibility of having better sex. It’s challenging and requires a lot of confidence. Especially when you’ve been through hard times and “defeats”.

Trying something new requires discipline, will power, and clarity of goals.

The problem with most people is that they make their goals unachievable.

They want stuff that is too generic and vague to be actually conquered. They want to “last longer” or  to “have more money” or “be happier”. Unfortunately, while these are all great goals to have, they are not properly formatted for the way your brain works.

I go more in detail about this in my program “Sex Boss” where I take you by the hand (not the same hand you use to masturbate, but the other one) and show you exactly what you need mentally and physically to improve your sex life and last longer.

You need:

  • a goal
  • a map
  • a strategy

And you’d better test yours to make sure they work in the real world.

Most men won’t take any action unless something urgent happens or they get at a critical point. It’s the taste of shit that pushes them forward.

Don’t be one of those men. Know what you want to achieve, define your goals.

TV, ads, your parents all pressure you to achieve goals that are important for them: buy a bigger house, get that car, watch that movie, and the like. You get pulled here and there and lose sight of what’s really important for you.


You must know and protect your dreams.

How do You Want to Last Longer? Pick Your Goal

You are never going to achieve a goal without being specific. This is true with anything in life, sex included.

A lot of guys want to “last longer in bed”, and that’s an awesome goal, but what do you exactly want when you say that?

What are you trying to achieve?

Be honest with yourself, whatever you choose is fine and this first preliminary step might help you clear up your mind.

Last Longer Like A Porn Actor

If you have an outstanding wanking career behind you, it will probably be your unconscious goal to have sex for hours in order to imitate porn actors.

In porn movies, the man drills the woman for a period of time that thanks to a smart use of penile injections camera and a good editing looks like an eternity (even though most of the times is not more than 15 minutes) at a really high pace, with short, rapid thrusting.

If the actor is a professional porn actor, he won’t sweat either! Very nice.

He is a kind of James Bond of sex, 007 fixes his cuffs after a bomb explodes next to him, the porn actor folds his pipe in his underwear ready for the next hole mission.

There is nothing bad with this goal.

Sure, this is not even the easiest goal to achieve if you want to achieve it healthily (then of course if you want to take pills, injections or put your cock asleep, you can probably do it in no time, but then in the same way you could beat the 100m world record and become famous and millionaire, so if you have to do a stupid choice and invest in doping, at least make it where it counts).

But of course you can have sex in porn style healthily, it would take you to be physically fit, (running might help for that), to have a great mastery of your levels of excitement, to have loads of lube and a partner with an iron vagina.

Some of these toys (read my Fleshlight review) may be helpful.

But let me open your mind and show you another way to have long lasting sex…

Last Longer Like A Tantric Master

What’s the difference between porn lasting style and tantric lasting style?

More than a physical, athletic kind of sex, the Tantric lasting sex style is more focused on enjoying pleasure for a long time. The mindset is totally different.

In the porn style, the man aims to screws the hell out of the woman, in the tantric style the man aims to enjoy pleasure at the edge of the orgasm without coming.

It’s usually slower, especially at the beginning, but it’s really really fun. He enjoys this orgasmic limbo until he stops or decides to come. He drills the woman, but I would say he is a bit more egoist, caring about his pleasure first…

I know, you might think that the porn actor is more hardcore than the tantra practitioner, but I am not quite sure about that.

Certainly the Tantra guy enjoys more at a physical level, while the porn guy gets most of his pleasure at a mental level (“Yes, I am f**king her so hard!! Oh Yes! She won’t be able to walk tomorrow!! Oh yes… I am gonna tell everyone what a badboy I am… and stuff like that) – while the Tantra guy’s mind is basically silent during sex, he doesn’t care about others, he just enjoys her with every fiber of his body).

I have studied Tantra and uses some of its principles in my training program.

I Don’t Care Man, As Long As She Comes Before Me!

In the delayed style, the man goal is to have sex for a long time including the foreplay. He is not just focused on the intercourse, but it’s the whole sex experience that matters.

The man who adopts this practice is either fooling himself or is simply unconscious of what his real goal is i.e. Make her come! So then I can come too!

That’s probably the easiest way to last longer: it takes masturbation, a lot of oral sex, patience and slow motion. When the man enters the woman, after masturbation and cunnilingus, if she is not tired and you have done your job properly, she’ll probably come soon and the man would feel better and “allowed” to come.

So, I would say that the first style is more of an aggressive physical lasting sex, very appealing for most men, the second one is more of an “I don’t care about porns, I want to enjoy your body for as long as I can”, the third one is a kind of smart sneaky lasting sex where the real goal is to make her come before you.

How to Last Longer by Switching Positions

Ok, let’s say that you have a pretty girl with you tonight and you can’t really wait to train your pelvic muscles or to develop the right mindset because you need to last longer in bed tonight! There is no tomorrow for you, but just NOW.

What do you do?



How about you try switching position? How? Let me tell you.

Basically, you are at home or at her place, or in hotel, or in a car, or in a toilet, or in a street, or on a lift or on the fridge and you just start your hard penetration job, it seems everything’s going fine but…

After a few seconds you feel like you are getting close (now, I have to say that just because you are “able” to feel you are getting close you should be proud of yourself! You are in a much better condition than many men who are too unconscious to even feel they are getting close!).

So be happy and celebrate, you could do it by just coming on her face :)

But let’s get back to business!

Switching positions is a really effective way to gain some time, I use it all the time.

If you know 100 positions and change it every one minute, you can last 100 minutes – that is 1hr and 40 minutes…

Sounds like enough?

Anyways, talking seriously, changing positions can really make your penetration job more exciting and fun. The whole point here is “how” to change position!

Be cheeky and dirty:

Turn around I wanna see your ass when I…

or more romantic things like

I like your ass, I wanna slap it, turn around…“.

Or if you think this is too much for you, you can just tell her to move in this or that way – or if you’re not a very talkative person or your mouth is busy with some nipples, you can just flip her over as you like. Women love a man who knows what he wants, and they love being dominated in bed. (Of course, always be respectful to your woman).

Very important! Don’t ask politely!!! Unless you are playing that game:
Excuse me miss, could you please turn around I would like to analyze you”.

And don’t be afraid to tell her what you like and what to do… We’ll talk about this in another post… Just remind me.

But what about if when we change positions she doesn’t let me come out and keeps the stimulation going? Then what do I do then?

Well, you should come out when you are changing position. Actually, let me tell you even more.

Pay attention here.

When you are out, in that instant while you are grabbing your sword to place it back in the cave, use the squeeze technique and squeeze a bit just under your penis-head (or dick-head) for a little bit.

This will lower your level of excitement. Sometimes you can actually even see this in porn movies if you look for it.

Another thing you need to pay attention to is the pace.

Because you know, if you were going very fast and then you change position and then you start again at a very slow page, let me tell you, you are gonna look a bit weird.

Of course, when you restart do it a bit slower than when you left (both for her comfort and for your endurance) but get back to the exciting pace you had before asap.

So basically what I said is:

  1. Take control when switching position either verbally and physically
  2. While you change use the squeeze technique to lower your arousal
  3. When you get back in, start slowly but get back to the rhythm you had before withdrawing
  4. Whatever you do, keep building her arousal. So, even when you are out, talk to her (say sexual things), touch her, don’t leave her “alone”.

All right, I need to go to sleep now, I have a sexy lady waiting for me ;) and a list of 243 positions I am going to do tonight… That’s 243 minutes!!!

How to Last Longer by Using Lube

In my last point I told you how you can switch positions in order to last longer. That’s a kind of physical last minute trick. It involves you flipping her around or flipping yourself around or flipping both of you around like two figure skaters…

Not everyone is that athletic though. Did you try switching positions but got stuck with her ankle in your mouth and your head in the dishwasher? If you aren’t really into “moving stuff” remember to always keep your mobile phone next to you when trying these techniques and the fire brigade’s number on speed dial (just in case).

For those of you who want a more “sedentary” quick fix here is one for tonight:


This is a bit crazy and you don’t want to do it every-single-time otherwise your sheets will become so oily that you’ll be needing some underwear made of sandpaper.

While for many men, the word lube is still a tabu, like anal or like ass-to-mouth (hehe) most women love the feeling of lube because it allows them to have sex for longer without getting physically tired. It’s also true that a lot of lube is a bit… annoying.

So you need to know that what you’re doing is a bit sneaky and if you’re recording an amateur video (to upload on a porn website) make sure that you put the lube on your girl “behind the camera”, otherwise everyone is gonna see that you only last long because her pussy is so slippery that you basically feel no friction on your magic wand.

So, since what you are doing is a bit sneaky, get ready to handle objections!

You basically have two options:

1) The Super Sneaky Plan

You penetrate her from behind first (so she can’t see how much lube you are putting on) or you do it facing her but in a way she can’t see  (like pouring the lube in your hand first and from there onto your pipe)…. And hope for the best.

If she feels something isn’t quite right and tells you:

Eve: Hey, that’s a lot of lube

Adam: Wow, yeah, it came out all together, anyways… (and distract her talking about how much you like her body…)

2) The Basic Sneaky Plan

You do “the mess” in front of her. You pour the lube on your tea spoon right in front of her eyes and you put a lot of it on pretending you can’t control the amount that’s coming out…

Adam: Oh! That’s a lot of lube
Eve: Yeah, no worries… come here sexy ;)

Choose the sneakiness level that better suits your personality.

Hey! Wait a minute! In case you are thinking:

Oh YES! I just found the secret tactic of my life and are ready to buy 70 liters of lube this afternoon…. STOP!

Read on!

Using truck loads of lube is not gonna make any miracle, you’re not going to become enlightened, a prophet or not even a porn actor. And of course it’s not that “the more you put on the more you last”… It doesn’t work that way.

When using a lot of lube, you’ll notice that your pen will slip into her pocket very smoothly, there will be less stimulation on your end and you’ll last longer. A few minutes longer. Not hours longer.

Anyways, let’s say you don’t like lube, you ran out of it or you are having an unexpected affair and are caught empty handed… What do you do?

A) Use some butter

B) Use some motorbike oil

C) Stimulate her cherry with some fingering techniques and create loads of natural lubrication

A,B or C?

If you chose A or B:

You are a very romantic person, that’s for sure, Taurus and Aries are aligned for you but sexy Venus thinks you have no idea what you’re talking about and is very quickly moving away from you…

If you chose C: You are a bit wilder, and you know that you have a secret power in your magic fingers… the moon will protect you.

See you at the lube store!

How to Last Longer by Fingering

I told you about a sneaky oily plan you can use to last longer in case of emergency.
How did you go? Was it too sneaky for you?

Have a look at this finger technique then!

If you think that was sneaky, today’s one is really cheating!

But who cares? She’ll probably come and you’ll have pleased her. And that’s what counts.


To use this trick you’ll need to cut your finger nails first. (Of course if you’re a guitarist, a drag queen or so stingy you haven’t bought a nail clipper yet, this is not the technique for you – unless you’re planning to kill your girlfriend).

But let’s take a look at what you need for this technique to work:

1) One nail-free finger

2) A girl


Let’s say you’ve got the finger and you’ve got the girl. Tonight you want to drive her crazy and don’t know what to do.

Lately you have been switching positions so often that your calves have become as big as a rugby player’s. You’d really like to use the sneaky lube tactic, but after you have been oiling her up as much as deep-fried chips, your girlfriend decided: from now on she’s the one to handle the lube!

You feel clueless and desperate… And this is when your super finger comes useful!

What do I do?

Right. Bear with me, I’m gonna tell you a double side technique that will both increase her arousal and make you last longer.

All you have to do is to use your finger and stimulate her clitoris during intercourse.

It sounds simple, and it is simple actually, but you need to pay attention to some details in order for it to work. Remember the saying:

If it’s dry she’ll cry

Make absolutely sure your magic finger is wet before you start rubbing. And since she might have banned the lube from your bedroom, you can always spit on your finger (yes, just like you see in porn movies – but I guess you stopped watching them, didn’t ya?) or touch her strawberry with your whole hand first, very gently take some of her wet from the bottom and move it up to the clitoris… and play.

I will describe some fingering techniques in another post, this is not important for now, just rub her as you like, paying attention at her reactions and adapting your stimulation to the feedback you get.

Now, why is this technique so cool?

Because it works from both ends. It’s like if you’re running a marathon with the finishing line moving towards you.

First, since you are masturbating and penetrating her at the same time, her arousal will grow faster and she’ll come more quickly.

And second you’ll last longer because a big chunk of your mind will be distracted from your excitement and focused on what you are doing with your finger.

The more you focus on masturbating her the better. This way, you’ll last longer and she’ll last less. Maybe less than you.

Notice that what we are using here is a kind of positive “distraction”. I’m not telling you to focus on an ugly chubby hairy image, first because it would be more difficult and second because associating having sex with something you don’t like might create unwanted troubles.

Makes sense?

Don’t look at me that way! I know what you are thinking.

“Yeah, Deon, I can touch her, I can focus my mind on the stimulation and on her feedback but I’m not sure how long I’m gonna last if I keep my carrot inside…”

Right, this is why you should give this technique a try.

I don’t know you but when I feel very close to coming and I don’t want to, it’s my instinct to get out of there. You might feel like doing the same too, but what’s the problem with this habit?

The problem is that when we get back in-the-sack, she might have lost some excitement and we need to work our way up again to make her orgasm. But with the finger technique things are different, you can withdraw and keep stimulating her… and then go “back in” whenever you can.

Cool hey?

Now you’re ready.

Go buy a nail-clipper, wash your hands, lift your finger to the sky and conquer the world!

Oh! Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait!!!!

Before conquering the world, use that finger to click here and get a copy of Sex Boss: a P.E. Survivor’s Step by Step, Honest, Inspiring, Motivating, Fun, Complete, 100% Natural, Empowering Program to Train your Mind, Body and Soul to take Full Control of your Ejaculation and becoming a Man in Control.

How to Last Longer By Changing Your Breathing

I gave you a super badass fingering technique you can use to last longer. How did you go? Had fun?

Did you use your finger sooo much that became as big as Schwarzenegger’s arm? Jeez! You guys push everything to the limit, don’t you?

It’s time for a change! Today is the day you can turn your sex life around! Change your underwear, change your hair color and get ready to change technique!

Today’s tactic is a bit… minimalistic, you don’t need to bring your oily lube, any embarrassing cock ring or a heavy, muscular finger. Leave your hands at home, all you need today is your lungs!

I’m sure you’ve read this a lot of times, people telling you to breathe slowly and to focus on your breath in order to last longer, but listen to Deon: unless you’re used to meditation, yoga and that kind of stuff, you will not be able to keep the attention on your breathing for more than 2.03 seconds.


Keeping your mind focused on your breathing requires practice and discipline, maybe years of discipline.

People who tell you:

Oh, no worries Barry! Just breath slowly and stay focused on your breathing…” have no idea what they’re talking about.

Since I’m taking for granted that you’re not Buddha, a monk or Sai Baba (if you are I want to know your hairdresser) and have no yoga background, here’s a little trick to make the breathing technique work for you tonight.

Pay attention.

All you have to do is to slowly say to yourself (in your mind or by sms) the word “inhale” when inhaling and “exhale” when exhaling.

Sounds easy?

Try it first. It’s easy now that you’re by yourself, but you’ll notice that it’s not that easy when you’re thrusting your way inside her…

Very important: Say “inhale” and “exhale” in your mind and not aloud!

Say it aloud and she’ll start thinking she’s having sex with Frankestein and you’ll have totally creeped her out…

Slowly repeating the words “inhale” and “exhale” will make all the difference. If done correctly and you actually breathe slowly, your body will relax and become less prone to ejaculate.

And if you manage to keep your attention focused on your breath, your mind will be more in control, therefore you’ll have more power over your excitement and be able to withdraw when necessary.

That’s it for today.

I was supposed to finish this post here, but since I know that many of you have been socially conditioned to breathe from their chest and I want my readers to be the best lovers ever, let me finish this bit with a brief breathing lesson that I’ve learned from my experience as an actor.

When breathing, most men lift their shoulders up and suck their belly in.

It’s not your fault.

Society has led you to believe that this is the right way for a man to breathe so he looks stronger and bigger.

You weren’t born like that. When you were a baby, your breathing pattern was totally natural and relaxed, your diaphragm used to move gently down, letting (not forcing!) air through your nostrils, and then up again, naturally squeezing the air out.

Growing up, you accumulated some stress and inhibitions that affected your breathing patterns.

Look at yourself in the mirror, breathe and you’ll most probably see that your shoulders go up and down. Lifting your shoulders when breathing is unnatural and not relaxing at all.

Most people will tell you that since you have to use your diaphragm to breathe properly, you need to train yourself to push your belly out when you inhale, keeping your shoulders low… and push it in when you exhale.

But forcing yourself into this kind of breathing is not going to decrease the tension in your body. Actually, it will usually increase it.

The best exercise that I’ve found in the world and that anyone can do to naturally get in the habit of breathing properly is described below.

I’m gonna call it:

The best exercise that I’ve found in the world and that anyone can do to naturally get in the habit of breathing properly:

1) Lay on your bed in the fetal position. (That means on the side, like if you were a little baby in your mum’s tummy).

Note: when you’re in fetal position it’s virtually impossible for you to breathe incorrectly.

2) Stay in that position and start breathing, breath naturally, don’t try anything esoteric, just breathe and you’ll notice that your shoulders don’t go up but instead your tummy goes in and out when breathing.

That’s the natural breathing in action for you baby (quite literally)!

In the fetal position you can only breathe properly. You can’t get it wrong. Now, all you have to do is to try this exercise as much as you can. You’ll fall asleep a few times…

Patient practice plus your awareness of what’s going on (you are aware that this is the way you are supposed to be breathing) will slowly transform your breathing patterns into natural, relaxing and healthy ones.

And you’ll gain a style of breathing that will give you way more sexual control than 90% of men out there.

For tonight just say to yourself (in your mind!!!) inhale and exhale (and hope for the best), but when you’ve got some spare time, practice the fetal breathing as an investment in your sexual future.

Remember, everything worth learning takes practice and time.

How to Last Longer in Bed (13 Quick Tips)

If you last longer on the toilet than in the bed, you can do something about it and it’s not shortening your poo time. Some of these techniques are kind of training, some of them are last minute techniques, some are a mix.

Try them all, starting from the one you like better and have fun.

Here are 13 tips, I hope you’re not superstitious! By the way in Italy 13 is a lucky number.

1. Squeeze it up

So you are having sex, you are thrusting a way and you start feeling than your warrior is on his way to “spread the word” … when you are about there (even if all of this happens in 9 seconds) withdraw your sword from the cave and squeeze the bottom of the head with a couple of fingers.

For better results and to avoid screaming surprises in 9 months time, you’d better use a condom and try with masturbation first to find the right spot.

2. Take a piss with style

On planet earth everyone pees, since you have to do it and you can’t avoid it, we’d better making peeing more interesting and useful. Here is the exercise: pee, interrupt the stream for a second, then keep peeing, then stop it again, then keep peeing… do this a few times.

Have fun, give it some rhythm. Think of your favorite song and keep the rhythm with your pee…

Stopping between 3 to 5 times would be cool.

If someone is next door and can hear you singing and keeping the beat with your pee, say you are practicing for your X-factor audition.

This simple exercise will give your pelvic floor muscles a nice workout, increasing both your awareness and control. When you’re having sex and feel your arousal build up, imagine you’re stopping your pee mid-stream, squeeze the same muscles and you arousal level will magically lower.

This is gold.

3. Get cheeky

Instead of making the head of your warrior too excited by moving it in and out her cave (whatever cave you are analyzing) be cheeky and alternate thrusting with circular motion, make your dick explore the hole all around clockwise or anti-clockwise…

This way all of it gets stimulated and his head can rest a bit.

4. Choose the right positions

Your partner is your ally. Take some days off work, tell your boss that you need to discover where your ancestor’s gold is, and devote yourself to full time experimentation. Have as much sex as you can and look for the positions that make you last longer.

Sometimes letting her flower climb your tree while you lay on your back and she goes for a ride will make you last longer. But not everyone is the same, so you’d better adopt an adventurous stance and discover what works for you. Buy an Indiana Jones hat if it helps.

5. Stay in control

Watching a James Bond movie is not enough. You need to change your mindset. Try it once, it’s pretty cool. You usually have sex (cue soft music) because mother nature put in your body this incredible urge to come in order to recreate yourself and keep the flow of nature moving and expanding… You are a tool in the hand of nature…(end soft music).

Tell nature to f**k herself for once and be in control. Today you are gonna have sex and not come.

How? Keep your level of excitement low…

Withdraw your straw from the coconut if you need, change position, use your hand or tongue while your saber is outside. Keep your excitement level “in control”.

Then if you feel bad for mother nature, let your warrior sow its seeds around the place…

6. Time to use your tongue

Buy a fireman’s outfit, get a notepad, a pen and write down what makes your partner scream (beside turning the shower cold in secret while she is washing herself) and when you have a list, spend time applying it during intercourse.

If she needs you to create origami, run the New York marathon, touch her nipples with 0.452 g pressure in order to come and for you taking off your underwear is just enough, than you know what to do.

Get patient, use your hand and tongue on her body as Michelangelo would use his paintbrush and put your biscuit in the tea cup just when it’s at the right “temperature”.

In this way, you’ll Come Together just like in the Beatles’s song.

7. Work hard

Do you remember when you were a kid and trying to learn how to make your Transformer toy beat Gozilla in the face? You used to make a lot of mistakes, even silly ones, like letting Gozilla fly higher than your Transformer (shake head in disappointment).

The same thing applies to boogie-woogie.

When you’ll get older you’ll be more masterful of your ejaculation, and when you’ll get even older you’ll be so good that even if the hottest porn actress on earth start licking your lollipop you won’t come, it won’t even “stand up” probably.

So, getting old is not enough, you need to practice!

Have as much sex as possible! The more sex the better!

8. Don’t think of a pink elephant wearing a bra

Don’t think of a naked pink elephant wearing a white bra and rubbing her ass on a streetlamp.


When you think about stopping your ejaculation you are actually going to make it happen sooner!

We’ll never know why mother nature made our brains that way, but if you want to use the grey stuff in your skull to help you last longer you’d better focus on the the pleasure you are feeling in-the-now everywhere in your body and “forget” about the ejaculation!

Note: if you have short memory and tend to forget too much about things, listen to a friend, put a condom.

9. Yeah! It didn’t hurt

Finished early?

Did you come as soon as you opened your bedroom door?

Didn’t you even make to the car park?

No worries!

There is round 2 (cue enter half naked hot girl with round 2 sign in her hands).

Put some Rocky Balboa music, and start again!

The second time you’ll last longer.

Even if it’s just for being able to take off her underwear, you would have improved a little and this experience will increase your personal best for next time.

So remember, if you come too quickly the first time, go for the second one.

Don’t get depressed, chimpanzees’ intercourse lasts 3 seconds, that’s what our ancestors were like, we are learning new shit here.

10. Become a prophet

All right, that’s really important, don’t tell me I haven’t told you already. Check out my post about Edging.

Take some time for yourself and your favorite hand, be romantic, take your hand out for dinner, buy her some cream and oil for her skin, tell her how sexy she is… and put her to work!

Practice the edging exercise described in the post above and you’ll become aware of your level of excitement, your clairvoyant skills will improve and you’ll be able to see the rise of your ejaculation… Just like Nostradamus predicted the rise of Napoleon.

Basically what I mean is: this awareness will put you in control, and give you the choice of withdrawing your plug from her socket when it’s time. Rest. Start again.

11. Test it on a (Minnie) mouse

For once don’t be an animal, when some nipples are in front of you, put your natural instinct back in your pocket and use your mouth – to talk!

Ask her to collaborate in your laboratory research. That’s the first step.

Second step:

Buy some geeky glasses for you and a sexy Minnie mouse dress for her and get in a testing laboratory for a week or two of experiments.

Your goal is to discover what positions make you last a good amount of time, neither too much nor too little. For example, by sitting next to each other without touching you’ ll last for days, so that’s not a good one.

Having her on her knees and showing you her beautifully round birthday cake while you rush to plant your candle inside it will make you come faster than Bolt on the 100 meters final.

So, take your time, and experiment with some other positions, you’ll probably find out that positions like side-by-side, reverse cowgirl or her on top will give you more control as your excitement will grow more slowly.

Be aware of your sensations, have fun and if your geek glasses get steamy, you know what to do…

12. Wait a minute!

This is the best technique. I know it may sound complicated and time consuming but this will really give you the control that you’re looking for.

You’re drilling her cave with your jackhammer and you feel like you are going to spill out some oil soon…

STOP, totally stop and wait 60 seconds, to allow your hammer to cool down.

You don’t need to become weird and not blink or not move your hands and stuff like that. Don’t take what I say too literally. Just stop stimulation.

I know what you are thinking: Hey, and what about her?

Take the opportunity to tell her how much you enjoy her body, how sexy her boobage is and keep touching and caressing her, then after 30 sec or 1 minute start your road works again…

13. Mind your mind

Last tip.

Change your mindset.

Change from a mindset of having sex because I-have-to-come-now-otherwise-my-nuts-will-explode! or, even worse: She-has-to-come-now-otherwise-she-will-be-disappointed-and-she’ll-leave-me! to a mindset of I-don’t-give-it-a-shit-about-my-ejaculation-or-her-orgasm-all-I-want-is-to-go-slowly-and-to-feel-this-pleasure-for-as-long-as-I-can.

Go slowly. Pleasure is the goal. This winning mindset will make all the difference.

All right!

Use these 13 tips to kick your sexual stamina in the ass and call me when you have the opposite problem and last so long that she can’t handle it anymore…

At that stage I’ll probably be on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean island drinking coconuts and “making friends” with local beauties… And sending all the details of my new discoveries to my amazing hardcore community of readers.

If you’re looking for a step by step, honest, motivating, inspiring, fun, complete, 100% natural, empowering program to train your mind, body and soul to take full control of your ejaculation and becoming a man in control you might find very useful to check out my training program Sex Boss.

The 3 Worst Techniques to Last Longer in Bed

Believe it or not, there are a lot of junky methods out there that are commonly thought to help you last longer in bed but that actually create more problems than they (try to) solve.

The worst thing about it is that some guys see a slight improvement when using them for the first time and convince themselves they’ve found the technique of their life.

So they keep using these methods as an unconscious habit causing a worsening of their situation in the long term.

When a man complains about his performance and wants his lost stamina back, it’s a sign that he has been using these techniques in the past.

They’re really popular, let’s see if you recognize them.

3rd place – Getting drunk

You’ve read this on the internet, especially on forums.

Some men have noticed improvements in their endurance when they’re high or drunk and think it a good idea to advise others to do the same.

If you get high or drunk and see an “improvement” in your condition and feel happy, excited and like a superhero, most of the time it’s for one main reason: because you’re high and don’t know what you’re talking about.

But if you do objectively last longer when you’re drunk it’s because drinking makes you feel less self-conscious which in turn helps you be more relaxed and confident in bed… and guess what? It’s this relaxation and confidence that helps you last longer, not the drinking. How about trying to develop confidence and relaxation instead, wouldn’t that be a cheaper solution?

I’m not your grandma, so I’m not going to tell you to drink or not to drink, but understand that drinking or getting high is not going to improve your control in any field, let alone your ejaculatory control.

2nd place – Imagining something boring while having sex

Contrary to what most people say, the distraction technique is actually a pretty bad way to take control of your ejaculation. When you distract yourself with unpleasant (your hairy neighbor or a car accident) or neutral thoughts (theory of relativity or dinosaurs) you create associations in your mind between having sex and something unpleasant or neutral (something not arousing basically), which might easily lead you to develop erection problems in the future. Then you’ll have two problems to solve: P.E. and E.D. (Erectile Dysfunction).

Do you really want all these titles? I don’t think so.

If the above isn’t enough of a reason for you to stop practicing the “distraction technique” listen to this: when you distract yourself you’re making yourself unaware of what’s going on in your body.

Now, can you control something you’re unaware of?

What do you think, champ? Can you? If you can’t see or hear or feel something can you control it?

You can’t.

The first step to take control of something is to become aware of that thing.

Think of your bladder.

When you were a kid you used to pee your pants. Right? Why did it happen?

Because you were unaware of the feeling of “having to pee” and couldn’t consciously “recognize the moment” when you were about to pee. You couldn’t feel that sensation (that was very subtle for you back then and that is pretty clear now) and you peed your pants. It took you a while to learn, but with time you learnt. You learnt to recognize that sensation and control yourself, or to go to the toilet.

You’ve learnt control already. You did it once and you can do it again.

So, how about you start working on feeling your body and becoming aware of your arousal? Is that going to help you out? Oh yes, it surely will.

1st place – Kegels

Kegel exercises as they’re usually taught, are counterproductive and accelerate the ejaculatory response. Forget about what you read on the internet or in your favourite magazine, Kegels are going to make your premature ejaculation worse. It’s actually incredible how much misinformation there is about this.

Kegel exercises (the rhythmic contraction of the muscle behind the scrotum) targets the Bulbospongiosus muscle, which is the same muscle that expulses sperm out of your body when the ejaculatory threshold is reached.

Men with premature ejaculation usually have a very tense pelvic floor which contacts involuntarily without them being aware of it. Their involuntary contractions accelerate the whole ejaculation process leading them to ejaculate prematurely.

If you have P.E. the last thing you need is to increase the contraction rate of your pelvic muscles.

And guess what happens when you do Kegels?

You basically train your already tight and out of control Bulbospongiosus muscle to contract even more!

Does this make any sense to you? It doesn’t. It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

When I first discovered and spread this idea, I received many emails from men confirming their premature ejaculation got worse after they used Kegels.

Beware though, Kegels are not evil. They only work for premature ejaculation when trained as part of a complete pelvic training. There are other muscles down there that need to be trained to make Kegels useful (I give you a proper training in my program) and if you don’t know how, do yourself a favour and stop your Kegels right away.

Here’s the thing:

These three techniques live and thrive on the general lack of knowledge there is on premature ejaculation.

All of them are designed to make you unaware of your body when what you need is the exact opposite.

Becoming aware of your arousal is the key to ejaculatory control.

You don’t need superpowers to do it. Can you feel the difference when your penis is flaccid and when it’s hard?

Great, it means you’re able to feel your arousal.

Ejaculation has its own mechanics, and arousal its own patterns. Practicing awareness you’ll discover the predictable patterns of your arousal and how incredibly easy it is to control them.

The first step for you to take control of your ejaculation is to sharpen your awareness.

This self-knowledge is all you need.

Premature Ejaculation and Porn

Premature ejaculation and porn are related. A great percentage of men who suffer from premature ejaculation come from a past of porn addiction.

Porn affects premature ejaculation both from a physical and mental point of view.

When I was a teenager I used to watch a lot of porn myself and ejaculate multiple times a day without caring about my sexual future.  From a point of view this is understandable. When you’re young and don’t have a happy sex life it’s easy to fall in the “porn trap”.

Looking back I can tell you now that as tough as it might sound, quitting porn would be one of the best steps you could take to cure premature ejaculation.

But since porn is addictive and most men find it very difficult to accept the idea of having to give it up I’ve integrated the use of porn in my training system so that you can use porn to your advantage and develop your ability to delay ejaculation through a smart use of it.

Now, I’m going to divide this article about premature ejaculation and porn in three parts. In the first part I’ll show you what porn does to your mind and body and why it’s a smart idea to stop watching it while you develop ejaculatory control (then you can go back to it later). In the second and third parts, I’ll introduce a couple of ways you can actually use porn to your advantage.

How are premature ejaculation and porn related?

The habit of watching porn when masturbating trains your “attention” to be lost in your mind during sex both accelerating the arousal from mental stimulation (some people calls it psychological premature ejaculation) and detaching you from the feeling of your arousal.

Porn also creates performance anxiety by rooting disempowering beliefs in your mind.

Let’s go a bit more in detail.

The main reason why premature ejaculation and porn are related is the power that porn has to suck you into a fantasy reality and make you lose awareness of your body.

And as I’ve told you in other articles and as my students have already discovered, you can’t control something if you are not aware of that thing.

Masturbating to porn has trained you to unawareness. It has trained you to be “lost in your mind” during sex.

It all started when you were a teenager

When you first discovered masturbation, ejaculatory orgasm was a new strong irresistible pleasure. It was a great way to enjoy, relax, empty your balls and feel relieved.

Since your refractory period was short you had no problems masturbating and ejaculating multiple times a day.

The only goal you had when masturbating as a teenager was ejaculation.

Masturbating often you swiftly developed all sorts of physical and mental habits (like contracting your buttocks, your pelvic muscles or tensing your shoulders) to help you achieve your “ejaculation goal” as quickly as possible.

Now, masturbating to porn didn’t just help you reinforce your habit of “achieving ejaculation quickly” but took your attention into the movie, stealing your awareness and therefore your control.

If today you find it difficult to feel your arousal or your point of no return you shouldn’t be surprised.

If you feel like “premature ejaculation” just happens to you and your have no control over it, masturbating to porn has “helped” you get there.

You’ve trained your attention to be outside your body during sex.

And unfortunately your girl can feel this.

1) They are sensitive and can feel when a man is not in control of his own body.

2) When your mind starts looping through your imagination while having sex you won’t be able to focus on her body either which means she’ll feel disappointed and ignored.

And you’ll feel embarrassed again.

If you’re having casual sex of course then it’s not a big deal, but if you’re having sex with a girl you care about than it does become a problem. You shouldn’t be surprised if she starts flirting with other men just to get some more attention, the attention she feels she’s missing from you.

Use porn to your advantage

As I’ve told you before, premature ejaculation and porn are usually negatively related, but still there are at least a couple of ways you can use porn to your favor.

In the end, when you learn how to use porn to cure premature ejaculation you can dramatically improve your control.

Watch porn technically

Porn can also help you with premature ejaculation if you learn how to detach yourself from the movie and watch it from a “technical” point of view.

What do I mean?

I’m talking about watching porn without your feelings being involved, just like you’re in the porn industry and are studying how the movie is made from a technical point of view.

In that case you’re not watching it to get off, but you’re studying.

Now I’ve been on a porn set and most porn actors don’t have more stamina than the guy who plays batman is able to fly. They are actors and what they do is acting.

I’m always surprised when I hear of men that listen to porn actors’ advice to learn how to last longer in bed. It’s like asking how to make money to an actor who plays the part of a millionaire in a movie.

He’s an actor and what he’s doing is fake.

Ask the real millionaire if you want a piece of advice, not the guy who “plays” one.

Anyways, even though most porn actors couldn’t last longer than you when having real sex in the real world and without pills or penile injections, it’s true that there is a rare percentage of men who make home made amateur porn, who are able to last naturally.

What you can do is to watch some porn (amateur or otherwise), one scene at a time, and analyze the way the guy thrusts. Note when he slows down according to his arousal (or to his pelvic floor contractions – if he’s more “advanced”), and how he sometimes squeezes his tool when withdrawing (he’s probably squeezing his pelvic floor muscles too).

The secret is to watch one scene at a time. Don’t allow camera changes.

You can easily assume that most of the time there’s a camera change they have stopped in between. The guy has probably cum and the girl has probably put on more lube.

Last thing, I’m not telling you to give up on porn forever (even though that wouldn’t hurt) but to become stronger than it, and then go back to using it when you can dominate it.

When you’ve been abusing porn, trying to turn it to your advantage is like playing with fire. You need to be very careful.

Premature Ejaculation and Willpower

“Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will.”                                                                                                                                               Jawaharlal Nehru

How do you want to play your hand?

Day-dreaming of the magic day when things fix themselves distracts you from the hard work you actually need to get results.

If you think can’t do it because you’re too old, too tired or too busy finding excuses, ejaculatory control is not for you.

I practiced being aware of my arousal, I built resistance in my body, I balanced my pelvic floor and trained it hard, I studied how ejaculation works and how the sexual energy moves in my body and much more.

I made, built, created myself as a man in control.

Am I better than you?

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”
Bruce Lee

Despite what you may think, almost any great life-changing event, achievement or success doesn’t start in the place where you see it happening.

No, the stuff that changes your life takes place backstage, where nobody can see it but you.

Long hours spent feeding your imagination with success and positivity, wearing days training hard to balance your muscles and becoming self-aware of your arousal, afternoons spent understanding how ejaculation works… this is the raw material of ejaculatory control.

Before spending time studying your partner’s clitoris or G-spot, study your own body, learn exactly what happens when you’re aroused and get an erection (I have a full section with pictures in my program which explain this).

Invest in yourself first and soon you and your partner will both lie tired on your bed with big smiles on your faces.

Sometimes while fighting your urge to come during an edging exercise or struggling to keep your mind on your sensations, you’ll be tempted to give up and go back to your old lifestyle of continuous ejaculation, porn and anxiety.

Maybe you’ve broken up with your girlfriend or are overloaded with work and simply can’t envision the powerful rewards that this mental (concentration on your sensations, awareness of your arousal patterns, urge control) and physical (pelvic floor balance, threshold raising) training is going to give you.

Keep a few things in mind:

1) When possible go the extra mile, keep training and make time for your exercises. Often, particularly with ejaculatory control, it’s easy to give up if you’re stressed or don’t have a partner to please. Don’t do it. It takes time for your nervous system to rewire, raise your threshold and put you in control of your arousal. Also remember that your hot new partner might be around the corner. In fact, they always are.

2) When it’s not possible to keep practicing because something big happens in your life and takes your full attention, find some spare time for a light alternative training. Keep your goal of lasting longer alive in the back of your mind. Resistance training are easy to quit since they require lots of concentration and will power, but they’re also the ones that can change your sex life forever. Be generous with yourself, be an egoist and keep training at least once a week.

3) When you really can’t train because something huge has happened, accept it and take the free time you need to solve your problems. But hate me now, even if you can’t train physically you can still do it mentally. Keep envisioning yourself thrusting into your lady for hours in total control and confidence, rehearse your success in your mind like top athletes do. This will accelerate your improvement once you start your training again.

Maybe it’s silly to expect someone with premature ejaculation to focus on their goal of ejaculatory control when the circumstances are difficult.

But it’s in these tough moments that you shape your destiny.

5 Habits of Premature Ejaculators and Conscious Ejaculators

Premature Ejaculators

  1. The habit of getting over-aroused before sex
  2. The habit of masturbating quickly without awareness
  3. The habit of tensing the muscles of their body in reaction to stimulation
  4. The habit of responding to out-of-control arousal with increased stimulation
  5. The habit of complaining about premature ejaculation as if nothing can be done

Conscious Ejaculators

  1. The habit of taking total responsibility for their results
  2. The habit of training their ejaculatory control with determination and perseverance
  3. The habit of approaching sex with confidence
  4. The habit of acting in the bedroom with the calm of one who owns the world
  5. The habit of learning from their mistakes and adapting to find what works best for them

What is a habit?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

“A habit is an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary”

A habit is basically a routine that you do automatically without being aware of it and which becomes easier to do the more you do it.
You were not born with these habits, they are not part of who you are. These habits are something you do, you learnt them somewhere and somehow.

Each of these habits can be changed.

So can your life.

Question From a Reader

A few days ago I received an email from a reader – let’s call him Mike – which asked for a piece of advice about his premature ejaculation.

Mike gave me permission to publish his email in order to help the smart community at to get permanent control of their ejaculation and give amazing intercourse sex to their partners.

Here’s a simplified version of the email:

I’m 32 and lately I’ve been experiencing some severe premature ejaculation, coming within seconds from penetration… A few weeks ago she talked about breaking up and I became even more nervous and anxious… I think the problem is my mind but I don’t know… Could you give me some quick tips?

Ask yourself a question.

What do you want?

Do you want to escape your problem and use a quick fix technique like counting the thrusts, squeezing the top of the penis or distracting yourself?

Or do you want to solve this premature ejaculation permanently so that for the rest of your life you can please your woman and give her mind-blowing orgasms with pure intercourse sex?

The choice is all yours.

I’m going to assume that you’re smart enough to opt for a permanent solution.

Now, I understand you’re anxious, and you understand that this anxiety doesn’t help you. People that have never had P.E. would tell you:

“Try to be calm man” or “relax buddy, be in control” but if you wanted to hear those words you would have asked for help in a pub and not to me.

Everyone tells you to be in control, but no one ever tells you how to be in control. Did you notice that?

Now, in your situation I want you to gain control and confidence indirectly as a consequence of your results in the physical world. Practice the exercise I’m about to give you and when your mind will start noticing your improvements you’ll instinctively start feeling more empowered.

Let’s start from the very foundations.

You need to become aware of your current PONR (point of no return) or arousal limit.

I’m sure you don’t know what your current limit is and this is why you feel frustrated, you think ejaculation is something that “happens to you”, but you’ll soon realize that ejaculation is actually something “you do”.

One simple way to become aware of your PONR (point of no return) is through the practice of Edging: an exercise where you masturbate and stop when you feel like you are close to the PONR (the point when if you keep stimulating you are going to come).

When you stop, use that time to feel the sensations in your body (especially in the area between your scrotum and your anus and on top of your penis near the base) and to take deep breaths.

Let the arousal subside a bit and when the urge of coming is gone, start again. A session should be at least 20 minutes long.

Practice edging for at least a couple of weeks (one training session every other day). Allow yourself to ejaculate every three sessions and not more than that.

Very important: become aware of how your PONR feels like, don’t listen to people who tell you to distract yourself, that’s the same people who would tell you to watch TV or get drunk when you have a problem.

I’ll never tell you to run away from your problems or from your sensations of arousal, but I’ll always tell you to face your sensations and take control of your arousal once and for all.

I won’t be surprised when I’ll discover that most of the people that spread this idea of avoiding to feel your arousal and think of something ugly to distract yourself during sex are in the erectile dysfunction industry and working to create more future customers for themselves (yes, distracting yourself will give you erection problems in the future).

So, practice this basic/beginner Edging for a couple of weeks, let me know how you go and I’ll give you more advanced types of edging for you to practice in order to build up resistance in your body and push back your ejaculatory threshold.

Or if you want an even better piece of advice and want to give your girl a mind blowing, long intercourse and beat premature ejaculation permanently, simply follow my step by step program Sex Boss, which will take you to quickly and naturally master ejaculation once and for all (90% of my subscribers already have a copy!).

Let me know how it goes.

Take Responsibility for Your Life

The ability to confidently direct your body during sex even when she’s screaming in orgasmic pleasure under your hard thrusts is called control. Sex without control feels depressing: a boring, frustrating and impotent trap.

Nobody likes having a disappointing sex life, but so many men try hard to avoid the responsibility of change.

You can hear them: “It’s not my fault, I’m stressed, she moves too quickly, I just can’t handle it, she’s too hot…”

Listen, learning to last longer is not something someone else can do for you: I can’t train for you, your friends can’t train for you and your partner can’t train for you.

Only you have the incredible power to transform your sex life.

Now is the moment.

Either you have the pride to take action, train and take charge now, or you’ll miss out on the sex life that belongs to you.

If you don’t know how ejaculation works, study it.

If you are not sure if your training will work, try it.

If what I suggest you to do doesn’t make sense, experiment with it until it does.

If you don’t understand anything, practice until you do.

If it doesn’t work, learn and try something else.

And if someone says you’ll never be able to control your ejaculation without drugs, prove them wrong.

Did anyone ever tell you that becoming the confident lover who’s able to thrust hard into hot girls non-stop-all-the-time was a piece of cake?

They were lying.


Whoever says you can avoid the necessary training and cure premature ejaculation in a couple of minutes is selling you something not worth your money.

There’s no doubt that it’s easier to stimulate your partner with your fingers and tongue and give her an orgasm before penetration than it is to train your pelvic muscles and get in control of your ejaculation for good.

But the more you focus on a proper specific mental and physical training the more solid your results will be. When you train seriously you’ll quickly collect a set of astonishing results in bed which will boost your sexual confidence and lead you to develop natural control in no time.

As a result of your training, your partner will be blown away by the intercourse you’re able to give her, you’ll easily over exceed her brightest expectations and distinguish yourself from every other man she has ever met.

Once you master your arousal basically once you master your penis, you can take control of any aspect of your life because you’ll have the confidence and experience of someone who succeeds in challenges most men think impossible to win.

Learning how to last longer in bed is a challenge worth your time, forget about magic pills and start your training right away.

For years you’ve been sold the idea that if you don’t take drugs, numbing creams or pills you can’t last longer in bed. For years, pharmaceutical companies have been ignoring something that matters more than your sex life: your health.

You haven’t been warned enough of the dangers inside creams and sprays and only now you’re becoming aware of those men who had their premature ejaculation worsened from using those “magic” overnight solutions.

I understand the desperation of those men who attempt the above mentioned quick-fixes and I admire their willingness to take action.

I know they’re the ones most likely to take the next step and try a proper solid training program because these men are not afraid to fight for their goals.

Contrarily, I’m worried about the future of those men who are too scared to even try some simple pelvic exercises or some easy techniques to increase their confidence. I’m worried about these passionate doubters who think nothing will work for them.

If you want to have the sex life of a rockstar tomorrow, remember to take today the actions that will make the difference. Before you can experience the overwhelming satisfaction that comes from thrusting into a hot lady for hours, you must train.

Do something valuable. Create a superb sex life for yourself.

Interview with Sex and Marital Therapist Barry McCarthy

Barry McCarthy is a certified sex and marital therapist, psychologist, professor at the American University in Washington and exclusive partner at the Washington Psychological Center where he practice individual, couple and sex therapy. He is author of 14 books and has presented more than 300 workshops internationally.

Barry McCarthy is author of the bestselling books: Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex and Men’s Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex and he has been a great inspiration for me when overcoming premature ejaculation and when creating my own bestselling training program: Sex Boss.

  • So Barry, what are the most effective strategies a man can use to get control of his ejaculation?

In learning ejaculatory control there are 3 prime strategies

  1. Use masturbation training to identify the arousal continuum, the point of ejaculatory inevitability, and gradually increase comfort and confidence with moderate to high levels of arousal, especially relaxation and mindfulness techniques. The stop-start technique is key.
  2. In partner sex, view the woman as your intimate and erotic ally in learning ejaculatory control, your role is not to perform for her or prove something to your self or her.
  3. The most challenging issue is ejaculatory control during intercourse, slowing down the whole sexual process and keeping a pleasure-orientation as a couple rather than individual sex performance. Experiment with positions, thrusting rhythms, touching after your orgasm, and setting positive, realistic sexual expectations: intercourse itself between 2-9 minutes.
  • Why is it that thinking about “boring thoughts” (like your mother-in-law) might create erectile dysfunction? Is it because of the association created by linking sex to non exciting thoughts?

Using negative thoughts subverts the intimate, interactive process and can reduce arousal leading to Ed rather than better ejaculatory control.

  • When you talk about psycho-sexual skills that help in order to master ejaculation, what kind of skills are you talking about? Is it awareness? or what? Could you please explain?

Psychosexual skills are not like a cookbook, but involve practicing exercise described in Chapter 8 of Coping With Premature Ejaculation. These include physical relaxation, pelvic muscle relaxation, mindfulness, cognitive pacing, self-entrancement arousal, couple genital pleasuring, stop-start pacing first in non-intercourse sex, and then intercourse sex, quiet vagina intercourse exercise, intercourse using slow thrusting and/or circular thrusting, and establishing positive, realistic expectations, including occasional lapses.

  • You say “The strategy in learning ejaculatory control is counter-intuitive. Increase comfort, awareness, and stimulation.” I totally agree about awareness, but how can increased stimulation give you more control?

Increased stimulation, especially during intercourse helps you become accustomed to moderate to high levels of arousal without falling into an erotic flow to orgasm.

  • Some people complain that if she is on top and they are not wearing a condom they feel less powerful because of the risk of coming and not be able to withdraw. This makes them less in control and more at risk of PE. What are your thoughts about it?

In non-monogamous relationships the man has to adopt use of the condom. Practice and perseverance is key in learning new techniques to enhance ejaculatory control.

  • How do you gain the kind of control you have during circular trusting but with short and rapid trusting?

Short, rapid thrusting is the most challenging for ejaculatory control. Men typically give themselves permission to use this on occasion rather than each experience having to be excellent control. One technique is to use manual stimulation to orgasm of the woman after ejaculation.

  • You say that orgasm begins at the point of ejaculatory inevitability, that’s really interesting. People usually consider orgasm the moment of ejaculation, but here there is a brand new point of view for us, is your opinion scientifically proven?

Yes, orgasm is both a physiological and psychological function. Psychological feelings of pleasure reach their height at the point of inevitability.

  • How long is normal?

The normal range of intercourse is 2-12 minutes, most common between 3-9 minutes.

  • How long can I last if I’m a virgin?

A crucial cognition is pleasure-oriented intercourse rather than individual sex performance, no matter what the situation – first intercourse or 100th intercourse.

  • I get too excited too quickly and ejaculate too early. Is it better to masturbate a couple of hours before sex? Or does that make the sex worse in your experience?

For most men, second orgasms are less pleasurable, masturbating before partner sex is a negative sexual strategy – the focus of couple sex is not sharing pleasure but performing for your partner.

  • Does too much masturbation effect how long you last in bed?

Masturbation is normal and healthy for both single and partnered men, the concern is that the man feels better about masturbation than partner sex.

  • Do circumcised men last longer

In general, the evidence is that circumcised men do better sexually in terms of sexual health and less vulnerability to HIV, but no difference in PE.

  • How do male porn stars last so long?

Male porn stars are about an erotic sex fantasy, not reality – many use penile injections and there are camera tricks – the other is that subjective arousal is often low.

  • What helps most to last longer in bed – condoms or alcohol?

In terms of having a drink or being high, it can reduce self-consciousness, which is good for ejaculatory control – the concerns is linking being sexual with alcohol or drugs which is a negative learning.

If you found this article interesting than you will probably have a wet dream when you take a look at his books: Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex and Men’s Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex.

Don’t Try to Control Premature Ejaculation

I often help people on men’s health forums using different and creative nicknames. One of the most popular questions people ask is how to control premature ejaculation.

As someone used to say, the quality of the answer you get depends on the quality of the question you ask.

The question “how do you control premature ejaculation” starts from a disempowering assumption.

It assumes that you’ll always have premature ejaculation and you need to “keep it under control”. It assumes that you need to “keep a constant eye on your premature ejaculation” in case it gets out of control.

And when you start with this mindset it becomes easy for you to buy into the idea of creams and funny sprays. Because that’s what these ridiculous premature ejaculation cures do. They leave you with premature ejaculation, but only temporarily “control” it.

See what I did there?

If you’ve been reading a few articles on this blog, you know that I’ve tried all of the above mentioned “cures” only to find myself after two years with less money than before, worse sexual health, low self-esteem, and with a bedroom that looked like a male enhancement pharmacy.

Instead of asking how to control premature ejaculation, ask how to control ejaculation. That’s a better question and here is a better answer.

You simply want to enjoy the climax and orgasm when you want to (usually after your girl has had a few orgasms herself and is ready to receive your load).

As I explain in detail in my training system and as my students already know, ejaculation doesn’t just happen randomly like rain on a sunny day.

No, ejaculation is triggered by the spinal cord when you reach your ejaculatory threshold, in other words when your body reaches the maximum level of arousal it can handle.

Get Ahead. In the training system I personally developed (based on real-life experimentation and testing) I help you to go through this process one step at a time. People who easily master the mental part of the equation, quickly move to the physical half and gain control in no time.

More resources to learn how to last longer in bed

About Deon Black

In the past 11 years, Deon has helped tens of millions of people around the world through his sex toy reviews and guides. His work & advice has appeared on websites like: Insider, Healthline, MensHealth, Wikipedia, Yahoo, Cosmopolitan, Romper, WomensHealth and more. Deon pioneered the sex toy blogging landscape and is the most experienced sex toy tester around. Learn more. Since 2012 we've spent 60,000+ hours testing 1000+ sex toys. Get in touch on Twitter.

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