8 Spooky Sex Positions to try this Halloween

Listen, lovemaking should never be scary.

…except during the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas. Spooky Season! Halloween is the only time of the year when you’ve got free reign to not only dress up as your wildest, scariest, most messed up fantasies, but also have some low-key scary intercourse. 

No one’s knocking good ol’ missionary, but take a chance this Halloween and let yourself be woo-ed, spooked, and scared straight with one of these 8 Halloween-themed sex positions.

1) The (Cock) Ring

First, we brought you the girl from The Ring. Now, get ready for the girl with the cock ring, coming to a bedroom near you! Has your sweetie ever secretly wanted to get intimate with a super creepy girl? What about if she has… The Ring? No, not Sauron’s ring, a cock ring. 

How you do it: With your best faceless impression of Samara (black wig optional), turn your back on your partner and make yourself comfortable on your knees. Either support yourself on your arms, or hold onto something – the bed, the wall, maybe even a railing. Have your partner approach you and enter from behind, wearing a cock ring. The buzzing will add an exciting, only mildly chainsaw vibe to a night you will never forget. 

2) Burn The Witch

If Salem burned women at the stake for doing math, just IMAGINE what they’d do to a woman if she committed the sin of experiencing pleasure during intercourse. Cunnilingus would have probably been the ultimate puritan horror, which is exactly why you should do it this Halloween.

How you do it: Standing positions are always a novel, if tricky, twist on the timeless missionary, so feel free to accessorize your witch’s hat with some killer heels. If you want to take it to the next level, have your partner tie you up to a bedpost, or prop your leg up on their shoulder for extra balance and to give closer access. Rest assured that Puritans are rolling in their graves as we speak.

3) Float

This is another position that allows for some spooky stranger role play. After all, nothing says ‘unfamiliar’ like a Pennywise clown.

How you do it: This is a simple enough position: just sit down on a waist-height table or desk and spread your knees slightly. Your partner, standing up and eerily made-up, faces you. It’s like a tight embrace, and you get to look into each other’s eyes. Although if you find clowns too scary for the bedroom, might be better to keep them closed.

4) Wonder Woman

Many of us have a secret dream that a strong, seductive partner will swoop in, take charge, push us over and punish us. And what better time than Halloween to indulge in some sexy roleplay via superhero costume? 

How you do it: Have your partner lie on the bed naked and tie them up with your trusty golden lasso. The contrast between their helpless nudity and your badass gear will be an instant turn on. Blindfold for maximum power play. Now you can tease for as long as you want by touching ever so slightly, increasingly close to the danger zones. No doubt after just a few minutes they’ll be writhing in your golden restraint, begging you to offer relief – that’s when you swoop in like only WonderWoman can to save the day, by sitting on top and riding out the mission to the end.

5) Edward Dildohands

Everyone here has surely seen Edward Scissorhands – if you’re too young to have seen that, then you’re probably too young to be reading this. Well, think back to all those fantasies of Johnny Depp ravishing you, but replace those scissors with dildos. Imagine the possibilities. 

How you do it: One dildo in each hand should be quite enough. Choose a position that gives your partner access to… as many places they can stimulate as possible. Have Edward kneel behind and spread your legs for ideal access to your pleasure zones. This one should keep you busy well into the Christmas season…

6) Play Dead

This is one of the more romantic Halloween positions – hey, hideous monsters need love, too! There’s nothing dangerous about this, except for the risk of having a limb decompose or lose teeth during your passionate tumbles. All zombies have had that happen at one point or another.

How you do it: Lie down next to your partner, both on your sides as if you were sharing a grave. If you’re the little spoon, you can put a leg behind you to give better access, or bring your knees up to your chest. Try to keep as quiet and still as possible in this wonderfully intimate but still suitably spooky position. You may be playing dead, but parts of you will feel more alive than ever.

7) Sexy Squad

At first glance, it may seem there’s nothing scary about this position, but being face to face with that Joker makeup will be enough to haunt you…

How you do it: It’s pretty straightforward – lie on your back, with your shoulders lined up against the bed and your head hanging off the edge. You’ll feel a rush of excitement and light-headedness when all the blood rushes into your head. Your partner, cosplaying as Heath Ledger, lies on top, holding your arms to your sides. You can wrap your legs around for extra grip, to make sure that penetration is deep. Watch the world burn by setting it on fire together. 

8) Bite Me

We know what you think, this is scary because Dracula is going to bite you and transform you into a vampire. Not that sleeping with a vampire is Not Scary (a real vampire, not one of the Twilight sparkly ones), but that’s not what makes this terrifying. What’s more scream-worthy is doing it standing up and losing your balance. You end up toppling over together, knocking down your romantic candles, and probably setting the curtains on fire. You’re welcome. 

How you do it: This is not for the faint-hearted or bloodless. You need to be able to stand on one leg and keep your other leg around your partner’s waist, and not lose your balance while he thrusts into you and bites his way down your juicy, mortal neck.

About Deon Black

Sex toy expert & reviewer. Since 2012 we've spent 60,000+ hours testing 1,000+ sex toys. Author of 47 hours - helping men last longer in bed.

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