Fake vaginas have been around since vaginas have been around. Forever.
Nothing has really changed, except for the technology. Your great-grandfather worked hard to build a fake pussy using socks, sponges, pillows and anything else he could get his hands on, only to fail miserably.
And you lucky SOB, born in this century, can just get on your phone while taking a sh*t, tap a buy button, and get a realistic fake pussy delivered right to your door within a couple of days.
Ah, I am sure that if our ancestors could see us, they would be so proud.
Top 3 Best Fake Vaginas
| Products | Price | Information |
|---|---|---|
 | See price | Allergens: Phthalate-Free Internal Length: 5 in Internal Width: 0.25 in Material: Soft Plastic |
 | see price | Length: 12.2 in Internal Length: 5.2 in Width: 11.8 in Material: Soft Plastic |
 | see price | Length: 5.25 in Width: 2.5 in Material: Super Fleshy TPR Bonus: DVD included |
How Do You Choose the Best Fake Vagina For You?
I understand how you feel. Buying a fake pussy is a big decision to make, on par with what career path to take in life or if you should be getting that surgery or not.
Thankfully, I am here to help you spend your twenty bucks wisely. Hold on to your money tightly until you’re done reading the full guide!
The Best Fake Vagina Masturbators for a Session to Remember
1) Pro Mini Ella Fake Vagina
If you’re bored of talking to your partner every time you have sex, but you want to stay in a monogamous relationship at the same time… Mini Ella is what you need.
Lube her up with your fingers all the way inside and get her ready for you.
Mini Ella is made of TPE, which in bro language means: realistic materials.
Make sure to give her a shower afterwards, but beware: she doesn’t like dishwashers. She would very much prefer your gentle touch.
Ella is cute and soft, some might say she is a bit simple on the inside, not a very textured personality. But hey, who cares… we only judge people by their looks after all.
2) Pro Ultra Holly
Ultra Holly is cheap. She is basic but so is your animal need.
When you thrust into Ultra Holly, she warms up with you. Make sure to use plenty of lube and go gentle on her. Actually I am kidding, go wild!
Ultra Holly is not jealous, she doesn’t complain, you can use her on your boyfriend and he won’t leave you for her.
Made of soft plastic and phthalate-free, Ultra Holly is 6 in long and has a 0.5 in diameter.
If you’re bored and want to try a realistic masturbator, just for fun and playing around, Ultra Holly is perfect. She is low maintenance, cheap and feels good.
3) Penis Teaser
Use Vivid Raw with or without the bullet vibrator inside.
Yes, Vivid Raw has a bullet vibrator inside it. Imagine how that feels as you run her over your penis…
Imagine the feeling of that extra vibration and what it can do for you… Do you really need me to hype it up with that “amazing” and “mind-blowing” crap? You’re smarter than that.
You can use Vivid Raw together with your partner as well. Tell her to use it on you, alternating between it and her mouth; that will feel good.
Beware if your penis is over 6.5 in in length, Vivid may be too small for you. But hey, you may still like her… Especially if you have one of those DVD players at home.
Because guess what? Vivid Raw comes with a 2 and a half hour long DVD featuring exclusive erotic scenes that you can probably find for free online if you search hard enough!
Useless but vintage.
4) Eve The Girl Next Door
Buy Eve, the girl next door, when you want a fake vagina that is smaller than a full sex doll, but bigger than a classic male masturbator. She is 15 in long and 8 in wide. Tiny.
If you’re tired of using hand-held masturbators and don’t wanna go all out with a $5k realistic sex robot, then Eve is what you need.
Her favorite positions are standing and sitting. If you use her laying down, place a pillow below her legs for extra comfort. You’ll figure it out.
I would also place in your will that it should be thrown out of your apartment when you die, before your friends and family enter your house.
Imagine their faces if they find her… Just saying.
5) Milk Me Silly
Dimples.
Mic drop.
Need I say more? Sexy dimples on the lower back. Say no more.
Buy Milk Me Silly if you’re after a very realistic vagina. Plus, you get a fake asshole too. They look and feel realistic.
See her butt bouncing as you pound into Milk Me Silly. And wait. Switch on the gyrating motors and feel that pelvis rotate.
Onto the boring stuff: Milk Me Silly is 12.25 in long, and 12 in wide. Square body measurements; think Spongebob, but sexier.
Milk Me Silly will be tight when you buy her. Like a virgin. But over time she’ll get used to you.
6) Fleshlight Go: Surge
Do you like tight and warm fake vaginas? Ok remove the warm.
Do you like tight fake vaginas?
Probably yes, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.
Are you a risk-averse person?
If the answer is yes again, first of all slap your face. Dude, you gotta take risks in life! Life’s too short to play it safe.
If you’re not ready to start taking risks yet, Fleshlight Go is the fake vagina for you. Realistic, tight and virgin-like.
Fleshlight GO is a virgin, yes. So be delicate for her first time. She has a beautiful textured personality inside that you will “come” to appreciate over time.
You can also use her to train yourself to last longer in bed by edging with her. But talk to her about it first. You might need to meet her parents.
7) Mini Eva
Oh Mini Eva. What a name!
This fake vagina is as cheap as they come while still being legit in quality. Any cheaper than this and you’ll get into the Aliexpress realm of crap.
Mini Eva is soft, pliable and cute too. Easy to use and easy to clean.
Since she’s very cheap she doesn’t have a case, so she may slip out of your hands if you overdo it with the lube. That would be hilarious…
Imagine you’re masturbating and your auntie knocks at the door. You get distracted for a millisecond and the fake vagina flies out of your hands and onto her face, haha.
Anyway, for extra fun, add a bullet vibrator inside of her.
8) Pro Elite Paige
Why get a real girl if you can get Paige, right?
Wrong. Real girls are better, and whoever tells you otherwise is either a virgin or trying to trick you.
But listen my friend, Paige is as close as you can get to a real vagina without a real girl.
You may be asking yourself, “Deon, why the f should I pay 300 bucks for this fake pussy if I can pay 10 dollars for a super cheap one?”
Good question. Why get an iPhone, if you can get a Nokia 8210? It makes sense.
Listen, Paige stays in her place, vibrates, is easy to clean, feels real, supple, juicy and intense. Buy her now and thank me later.
Make sure to remove the bullets before you clean her up.
9) Fleshlight Stoya
Oh Stoya Destroya…
I am tired of reading about this toy. Ok, just tell me please: is Stoya just a lot of hype?
Yes.
Is Stoya’s vagina really that good in real life?
I doubt it, given the amount of “hard work” she had to do over the past decade. You can probably fit a human head into it.
So why did I put Stoya on this list?
Because a lot of people do actually like her fake vagina and you may be one of them. How can you find out? Buy her and try it out. Life is short and you must take chances.
After all, Stoya’s texture is pretty hardcore. Very tight at the entrance, fangs in the center and crazy nibbles at the back.
You won’t find a vagina like this in real life, and if you do, run away.
10) Pro Elite Tamara
Tamara Tamara. Tamara is quality.
Sure you’ve found many fake vaginas on Amazon for much less, but listen to this dude here who’s been reviewing male sex toys for a decade: Tamara is quality.
Her ass is so squishy you’ll want to sleep on it at night. So soft, so supple and slappable… Hmm… Tamara what do you do to me?!
The vibration inside Tamara is strong, and let’s face it, her only con is that she doesn’t clean herself. Don’t throw her in the shower and do use a douche.
She’s pretty heavy, which makes her good for doggy style and reverse cowgirl especially.
Did I tell you that she has a nice tight ass? Hmm…
11) Fake Vagina Kit
What if you could get 3 fake vaginas for (almost) the price of 1?
* Eva, Abbie and Chloe enter the chat.
Yes, if you cannot choose a fake pussy, then here’s a simple solution: get this kit.
This kit of fake vaginas comes with renewal powder and a bullet vibe as well… And of course includes 3 awesome fake pussies.
Eva: tiny, petite, supple and easy to clean.
Abby: crazy texture, cased, mindblowing.
And Chloe: most men’s favorite.
Buy Fake Vaginas In The Right Places
One of the few things I’ve learned in life is to always make sure the source is legit. This is true of information and with products.
Just as you should never listen to a woman’s dating advice to men (simply because they’ve never seduced a woman themselves), you should never buy products from people who don’t know what they’re talking about.
Try to call it discrimination, bitch; I call it truth.
If you haven’t gotten the metaphor yet, I am telling you to buy a pocket pussy only from trusted shops. Like Adameve, Lovehoney, Fleshlight and a few others.
I am telling you this for your own safety. These places have standards, they don’t just sell anything that makes money, and they know what they’re doing.
Go With The Fake Vagina That Attracts You The Most
I could go into great detail about which material is faster to clean; silicone is better than TPE, handheld vaginas are easier to clean than half-busts and the bigger the heavier. Fine, this all makes sense.
But listen, forget about that for a moment. Unless you live in a tiny room without space, or are so busy that can’t spend 5 minutes cleaning, your life is probably too stressful to even read this article all the way to the end.
If you’re reading this, you can most likely find a couple more minutes and the right space for your toy. So forget about any of these considerations. Buy from any of the shops I recommended to you and go with the vagina that attracts you the most.
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